الرئيسية / عصير الكتب / الجزء الأول من تلخيص كتاب “مواجهات حاسمة ” تأليف :كيري باترسون وجوزيف جريني ورون ماكميلان وآل سويتزلر

الجزء الأول من تلخيص كتاب “مواجهات حاسمة ” تأليف :كيري باترسون وجوزيف جريني ورون ماكميلان وآل سويتزلر

“مواجهات حاسمة ”

المواجهات الحاسمة حتمية

المواجهات الحاسمة هي المناقشات التي تتم وجهًا لوجه لمُساءلة أحد الأطراف وتحميله مسؤولية الفشل في أداء عمل ما. فمثلاً، قد يخيّب شخص ما ظنك فتتحدث إليه مباشرة، وتوجه إليه سؤالاً يتكرر في جميع المواجهات الحاسمة: ”لماذا لم تنجز ما كان مطلوبًا منك؟“. ولا تنتهي مثل هذه المناقشات إلا بالوصول إلى حل مُقنِع يرضي جميع الأطراف، ومن ثم يجدون الحافز الذي يشجعهم على تنفيذه، وتنبثق من داخلهم القدرة لينجزوا كل ما يستطيعون، علمًا بأن المحفزين ذاتيًا يستطيعون الكثير.

قبل أن تفتح فهمك !

كل من تعرض للمواجهات الحاسمة من قبل يدرك أن سلوكه خلال الثواني الأولى من الحوار هو ما يمهد الطريق لكل ما سيحدث بعد ذلك. فمجرد جملة واحدة أو جملتين تحددان مناخ المواجهة. مما يعني أنك إذا استخدمت نبرة صوت غير مناسبة أو كان مزاجك عصبيًا، فسينهار الحوار منذ البداية.
عندما يخيّب أحدهم ظننا وتوقعاتنا ويسيء السلوك، فإن آخر ما يخطر ببالنا هو مناخ الحوار الذي نحن على وشك فرضه، لأننا نكون في العادة منغمسين في تفاصيل ما حدث للتو، فيستهلك هذا كل وقتنا وانتباهنا، وتقضي مشاعرنا على ما تبقى. نحن
نحدد طبيعة مناخ الحوار منذ اللحظة التي نفترض فيها أن الطرف الآخر قد أذنب، فنبدأ في الشعور بالغضب ونظن أننا نتميز
عنه أخلاقيًا. يستغرق الأمر لحظات وجيزة لإفشال أية مواجهة حاسمة ودفعها في الدروب الوعرة. كل هذا يبدأ داخل عقولنا. وهذا هو غالبًا ما يحدث: يرتكب شخص ما عملاً خاطئًا، مما يجرنا إلى ضرورة اتخاذ رد فعل واتباع المسار التالي:
▼ترى ما فعله الطرف الآخر، فتنسج في عقلك قصة واستنتاجًا عن سبب قيامه بهذا الفعل؛
▼تتولد لديك مشاعر تدفعك إلى انتهاج سلوك معين؛
▼إذا كان الاستنتاج سيئًا والشعور المتولد هو  الغضب، يتدفق الأدرينالين في جسمك ويتحوّل مسار الدم من مخك محاولاً التأقلم مع استجابتك الغريزية للمواجهة، فينتهي بك المطاف إلى اتخاذ قرارات غير حكيمة.

أيهما أجدى الصمت أم العنف !

❂الصمت
ليس كل من يتوصل إلى استنتاج سلبي يقفز غاضبًا إلى مواجهة حاسمة. فمعظم الناس يتراجعون خشية أن يشتد الجدال أو بسبب عدم تعرضهم لهذا الموقف من قبل واعتقادهم أن كثيرًا من المشكلات لا تحدث إلا بصورة نادرة ولا تتكرر، فلماذا إذن ”يكبِّر الموضوع“ ويثير الجلبة ويدقق في توافه الأمور؟ أيًا كان السبب الذي يجعلك تصمت عن فشل الآخرين وعدم وفائهم بتوقعاتك منهم، فاعلم أن صمتك له مخاطر جسيمة، إذ ينتج عنه أحد أمرين:
▼السكوت فيه إيحاء ضمني بالموافقة.
▼كلما كرر الطرف الآخر سلوكه الخاطئ، تأكدَت لك صحة استنتاجاتك عن دوافعه، وأن المسألة مسألة وقت قبل أن تنفجر غضبًا
في وجهه.
❂العنف
عندما تتكرر المشكلة إلى الحد الذي تعجز معه عن التحمل، فإنك تنتقل من الصمت إلى العنف. فإذا قاطعك أحد عدة مرات في أثناء حديثك أو إذا عجزت سكرتيرتك أكثر من مرة عن تسليم مشروع ما في موعده، فستبدأ في إطلاق حمم غضبك (وهذا من علاماته أن ترفع نبرة صوتك، أو تهدد الطرف الآخر، أو تهينه، إلخ). وعندما تنتقل إلى هذه الحالة، فإنك ستقضي على فرص نجاح المواجهة الحاسمة بينكما لأنك لم تعد تفكر بشكل موضوعي وعملي، بل خرجت عن نطاق السيطرة لتحقق هدفًا شخصيًا يرضيك أنت. عندئذٍ، تصبح النتائج أكثر من مريعة.

كيف تدير المواجهات الحاسمة ؟

1 لا تتلاعب بالطرف الآخر
هذه الاستراتيجية هي نتاج النوايا الحسنة والمنطق الساذج. فأنت ترى أن أمامك خيارين: إما الصمت للحفاظ على مشاعر الآخرين وإما الصراحة التي ستجرحهم وتحرجهم. ستحاول التلاعب بالكلمات في محاولة جادة منك كي تظهر أمامهم لطيفًا وأمينًا في نفس الوقت. ولكي تخفف من لهجتك العنيفة، ستبدأ بالحديث عن موضوع جانبي ذي صلة، ثم تعرض المشكلة، ثم تنهي المناقشة بموضوع جانبي مرة ثانية.
-2 لا تستخدم التلميحات
يلجأ البعض إلى التلميحات اللاشفهية والإشارات الجسدية بدلاً من التحدث بشجاعة عن المشكلة. فمثلاً، إذا أرادوا أن يعبروا عن رأيهم ويتشبثوا به، فإنهم يعبسون أو يتكلفون الابتسام أو يبدون الاهتمام الواضح. وعندما يتأخر أحدهم عن الحضور في الموعد، فإنهم ينظرون إلى ساعاتهم. هذا الأسلوب يعيبه أن الطرف الآخر قد لا يفهم تلميحاتك.
-3 لا تلم الآخرين خطأً
يعتقد بعض القادة أنهم يستطيعون أن يظهروا أمام الآخرين في عباءة الملاك الطيب إذا وجدوا من يأخذ مكان الشرير. فيقولون مثلاً
لأحد موظفيهم: ”أعلم أنك لا تريد أن تعمل لوقت متأخر، ولكن صاحب الشركة يقول إنه سيطرد أي شخص يتجاهل هذا الأمر. لو
كان الأمر بيدي، فأنا أريد أن يذهب الجميع إلى منازلهم مبكرًا كي يقضوا عطلة سعيدة مع أسرهم وأصدقائهم“. هذه الاستراتيجية غادرة وغير أمينة وليست فعالة بالمرة؛ فما من شيء يقوِّض سلطتك غير لوم الآخرين على طلب شيء كنت ستفرضه وتنسبه لنفسك لو واتتك الشجاعة الكافية.

4 لا تعتمد على التخمينات
يعتقد بعضنا أنه من الأفضل ألا يبادروا بالتحدث عن المشكلة، وإنما يتركون الطرف الآخر يخمنها من تلقاء نفسه. مثل الحوار التالي:
هل تعلم لماذا طلبت حضورك إلى مكتبي في هذه الساعة المبكرة؟
لا أعلم. هل لأني تسببت في تعطيل نظام الاتصال بالشركة؟
هذا الأسلوب مزعج وغير فعال، لأنك على الرغم من نيتك الحسنة، فإن طلبك من الآخرين أن يقرءوا أفكارك يدل على أنك شخصية متعجرفة تحب التلاعب بهم وبمشاعرهم وتنتهز كل فرصة لتتصيد أخطاءهم.

سد الفجوة

الفجوة التي نقصدها هنا هي الفارق بين النتيجة المطلوبة المتوقعة وبين النتيجة التي حدثت بالفعل، وهذا أمر قد يكون من الصعب أو من الخطر مناقشته. ولكنك إذا عرفت ما لا يجب عليك عمله فستكون قد كسبت نصف المعركة. لكي تضمن وتهيئ المناخ المناسب لمواجهة حاسمة منذ الثواني الخمس الأولى، افعل الآتي:
-1 انقل إلى الطرف الآخر الشعور بالأمان عندما يخون أحدهم ثقتك ويخيّب ظنك به، ابدأ مواجهته بشرح الفجوة بين ما كنت تتوقع أن يؤديه وبين السلوك الذي رصدته. لا تتلاعب به، واشرح له بكل وضوح وبساطة الفجوة بين النتيجتين. ولكن إذا كان الطرف الآخر سيشعر بالتهديد أو الخوف أو الإهانة إذا ذكرت له ما فشل في الوفاء به، فسيكون عليك أن تتبع خطوات معينة لتضمن شعوره بالأمان، أيًا كان الموضوع الذي ستحدثه فيه. لاحظ أن الأفراد يشعرون بالتهديد وعدم الأمان عندما يظنون أحد شيئين:
▼إما أنك لا تحترمهم، مما يعني أن حواركما يفتقر إلى الاحترام المتبادل؛
▼وإما أنك لا تعبأ بأهدافهم، مما يعني أن  حواركما يفتقر إلى الغاية المشتركة.
راجع خلاصة (أصول إدارة الحوارات الشائكة) لمزيد من التفاصيل حول هذا الأمر.
-2 اعرض الحقائق التي توصلت إليها ما إن يشعر الطرف الآخر بالأمان، حتى يصبح بالإمكان شرح الفجوة بين ما كنت تتوقعه وبين ما فعله. بصفة عامة، عندما تبدأ مواجهة حاسمة مع أحد، فمن الأفضل أن تعرض عليه الحقائق (أي ماسمعته ورأيته) إلى جانب نتيجة العمل الذي قام به. لا تبدأ بسرد استنتاجاتك وإلا اتخذ هذا الشخص موقفًا دفاعيًا منك.

-3 انهِ الفقرة الافتتاحية بسؤال عندما تنهي فقرتك الافتتاحية، حافظ في الوقت نفسه على جو الأمان، ثم اسأله: ”ماذا حدث؟“ ليكن هذا السؤال استفسارًا صادقًا عن سبب المشكلة أو الفشل في الأداء، لا تهديدًا أو اتهامًا ضمنيًا. ما إن تنتهي من شرح توقعاتك التي لم تتحقق، يجب أن يتحول هدفك إلى سماع وجهة نظر الطرف الآخر. فإذا كنت قد نقلت إليه الإحساس بالأمان وعرضت عليه الحقائق التفصيلية، فسيدرك سبب المشكلة وسيشعر بالراحة والثقة في التحدث عنها وحلها.

ساعد الآخرين للمبادرة بإتخاذ الفعل

هناك ثلاث حقائق نحب أن نشير إليها هنا:
-1 الدافع والحافز موجودان دائمًا لدى أي إنسان. فطالما أنه يتحرك، فثمة سبب يدفعه إلى هذه الحركة.
-2 المخ هو المسؤول عن توليد الحافز، وهذا يعني أن كل إنسان مسؤول عن تصرفاته واختياراته.
-3 هناك عوامل خارجية وداخلية لا حصر لها تؤثر على توليد هذا الحافز.
يتفاعل العقل البشري مع البيئة المحيطة لتشكيل وتوجيه سلوك كل إنسان. فالبشر مخلوقات سمتها التفكير الاستباقي والتطلع إلى الغد والتخطيط للمستقبل، وعندما يريدون عمل شيء ما، فإنهم ينظرون إلى المستقبل ويسألون أنفسهم: ”إذا انتهجت هذا السلوك بالذات، فعمَ سيثمر؟“
وعندما يختارون تصرفًا معينًا دون غيره، فهذا لأنهم يثقون في أن هذا التصرف سيثمر عن أكثر النتائج إيجابية وفائدة. وبما أن لكل
فعل رد فعل ويؤدي إلى عدد من النتائج، بعضها جيد والآخر سيئ، فإن ما يحرك سلوك الإنسان هو إجمالي النتائج والعواقب المتوقعة في نهاية المطاف. فإذا أردت من الناس أن يتصرفوا بشكل مختلف، فعليك أن تبيّن لهم أن انتهاج سلوك مختلف سيؤدي إلى نتائج أفضل.
لا تستغل سلطتك ونفوذك في تحفيز الآخرين وإجبارهم على عمل ما تريد، لأن ذلك قد يحرك أجسادهم ويجعلهم ينتهجون أساليب جديدة، ولكنه لن يحرك قلوبهم وعقولهم ولن يستنهض حماسهم. يمكنك أن تقنعهم وتتمكن من قلوبهم وعقولهم إذا تحليت بسعة الأفق وغيّرت وجهة نظرك وأدركت أن السلطة لن تحقق لك سوى نتائج قصيرة الأجل وطاعة قصيرة العمر.

عيوب إستغلال السلطة

1 السلطة تدمر علاقاتنا بالآخرين
كلما استغللت سلطتك في التأثير على الآخرين تفسخت علاقتك بهم أكثر فأكثر، وانتقلت من الاستمتاع بعلاقة شراكة إيجابية قائمة على الثقة والاحترام المتبادل إلى علاقة صارمة تتطلب المتابعة المستمرة.
-2 السلطة تثير التمرد والمقاومة
يتصور الأفراد أنك تفرض سلطتك عليهم لأن نواياهم سيئة ولأنك لا تحترمهم. فالسلطة تنقل إليهم الإحساس بأنك لا تهتم بأي شيء سوى تحقيق أهدافك أنت فقط، دون أن تعبأ مطلقًا بأهدافهم. بعبارة أخرى، تقضي السلطة على الشعور بالأمان وتزرع بدلاً منه الشعور بالخوف والتهديد، فيبدأ الأفراد في الاختباء وراء دروعهم واتخاذ مواقف دفاعية ومقاومة أية فكرة جديدة.
3 السلطة لا تدوم
قد يتصرف الأفراد بدافع الخوف؛ ولكن ما إن يزول عامل التهديد الذي يثير خوفهم، حتى يختفي معه الحافز للاستمرار في تنفيذ الأوامر.

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